“I’m the only friend you will ever need,” the clown doll proclaimed, out of nowhere, after suddenly sliding down the tiled backsplash of the kitchen counter I sat him on.
For Halloween my daughter–sweet child of my own twisted heart—had sent me a creepy little clown doll I call Chuckles, programmed to deliver pithy little horror-movie dialogue when triggered by external motion or, you know, sinister forces ever gurgling within. She was continuing a long-standing tradition of attempting to scare each other with dolls of one kind or another, beginning with a truly terrifying “My Twin” doll we’d gotten her for Christmas when she was four or five years old. Culminating in my purchase of a talking doll replica of the one featured in the movie The Conjuring that we had seen together.
We took turns hiding that doll in each other’s rooms when my daughter came home from college and later from Seattle. Long after the shock value had passed, we clung to the cherished ritual that ended in my sending the doll–now minus a foot I kept for sentimental reasons–to her last year for Halloween. My daughter was soon coming home for Christmas, our first holiday to be celebrated in our new home. I was already wracking my brain for the best place to hide Chuckles to induce maximum fright.
“I don’t like your family, but I like you,” Chuckles said now, again sliding down the wall, seemingly unprovoked.
And it struck me once more how eerily familiar the clown’s pronouncements sounded; how uncomfortably addictive they had become, resonant with the ego’s nonstop, repetitive lyrics of specialness.
“I’m so happy to be close to you,” Chuckles the Clown is fond of claiming. “Be careful around here, this place is creepy.”
It sure is. When we’ve chosen the ego as our inner teacher, our private dreamscapes seem like those haunted Halloween houses humans pay to visit, seeded with hidden demons that randomly attack, designed to prove we really exist apart from and abandoned by our one loving Source and Self but it’s not our fault, it’s all those other creepy dolls that never shut up.
Whether we profess to enjoy actual horror movies or not, we’re all driven to scaring ourselves, reluctant to release the rituals of blaming our guilt and fear on others long after the shock value has passed. Secretly believing it at least provides the safety of the familiar versus the potential punishment of the forgotten.
“I like to keep an eye on you,” Chuckles often says.
But I’ve decided to try to keep an eye on him instead. Like the ego he gives voice to, he may look scary, but he’s just a clown, for God’s sake, with absolutely no powers of his own. And clearly, if his offer of friendship includes only “me,” he’s not the kind of friend anyone really needs if they want to find a better way of relating to each other and eventually awakening from this nightmare of imaginary separation.
Besides, I’m learning to trust another friend who’s teaching me to like everyone because we are, at the core of our mind, the same. Beginning with my family and extending far, far beyond to all that seems to be “here.” (Boy has that inner teacher got his work cut out for him.)
No, Chuckles could never be my real friend. He does make me laugh, though. I think I’ll hide him under my daughter’s pillow before she comes home. 🙂
__________
In this recent video, friend and fellow acim teacher Bruce Rawles and I discuss what the Course means when it talks about joining with others, with a focus on Text Chapter 28 IV. The Greater Joining What Does It Mean to Join?
In this recent audio, CA Brooks, 12Radio, and I discuss Hearing My Call for Love, inspired by Ken Wapnick’s workshop Healing: Hearing the Melody.
This month’s facim.org announcements include news of the latest live streaming options for seminars given by long-time Foundation for A Course in Miracles teacher Jeff Seibert and information about sale items of Ken Wapnick books, recordings, and videos perfect for holiday gift giving :)!
Find Susan’s latest interview with Jeff Seibert from the Foundation for A Course in Miracles here: https://www.foraysinforgiveness.com/talking-with-jeffrey-seibert-spring-2019/ And interviews with long-time facim teacher Rosemarie LoSasso here: https://www.foraysinforgiveness.com/a-conversation-with-rosemarie-losasso-summer-2019/
Here’s a talk with Susan and Bruce Rawles on acim workbook lesson 166: “I am entrusted with the gifts of God.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUd3cJ4gpEA&feature=youtu.be
Find Susan’s latest audio talks here: https://www.foraysinforgiveness.com/audios/ and latest video talks here: https://www.foraysinforgiveness.com/videos/
For information on one-on-one acim mentoring sessions with Susan, focused on and devoted to applying the Course’s unique, mind-healing forgiveness in daily life (no matter how challenging it may seem! :)) click here: https://www.foraysinforgiveness.com/personal-coaching/
Find out about Susan’s A Course in Miracles books on learning to live a truly forgiving life, one day and classroom at a time (and occasionally even laugh a little!) here: https://www.foraysinforgiveness.com/my-books/
Devoted to the work of our beloved Teacher Ken Wapnick, the Center for A Course in Miracles in the San Francisco Bay Area is now also offering mind-healing acim classes in Temecula, California. https://centerforacourseinmiracles.org/welcome
The School for A Course in Miracles (SFACIM) in Denver, Colorado, continues to offer ACIM students a variety of transforming Ken Wapnick-inspired ACIM classes.
Wonderful ACIM teacher and long-time Ken Wapnick student Doug Sparks has an archive website with essays, musings and other resources.
Many thanks to Bruce Rawles for his generosity and hard work to keep this site going! You can find out more about his excellent web design and maintenance services on Foray’s home page and here: https://www.acimblog.com/acim-related-websites-design-and-maintenance-using-wordpress/. Bruce designed this website for me and continues to maintain it. I highly recommend him! Bruce continues to share the work of acim teachers and students, including the enduring, comprehensive legacy and ongoing work of The Foundation for A Course in Miracles, and to demonstrate true kindness through his very helpful blog: https://www.acimblog.com/