I sat in my car outside the university fitness center I belong to after completing another lonely ride to nowhere on a stationary bike. Mindlessly perusing magazines like People and US reporting on matters of dire importance such as reader polls revealing which celebrity wore which designer outfit best. Even as my iphone continued to deliver updated reports about a dangerous, escalating war of words between U.S. and North Korean leaders who sounded like naughty little boys on the playground, our Mexican neighbors digging out from devastating earthquakes, and U.S. citizens in Puerto Rico enduring a lack of power, water, communication, and critical supplies following the most recent assault of a hurricane season on steroids that had wreaked havoc with other island and mainland areas but weeks earlier, amidst ongoing denial of the possible impact of climate change.
Fall had arrived with a show of force a few days ago, for once completely in sync with the calendar, the temperature in Denver plummeting from 90 degrees to a shocking 49. A light drizzle in tandem with my mood coaxing green leaves toward the warmer palette that so poignantly precedes their impending demise.
“I’m sorry you’re having a bad day,” my imaginary inner professor said, materializing in the passenger seat beside me. And, really, I couldn’t help but laugh and shake my head. “Day?” I said. Clearly he had not been paying attention from his celestial bunker above the battleground, the directions to which I seem to have completely misplaced.
I continued to watch a greedy squirrel perched on a dumpster devour a Ruffles potato chip the size of his little walnut of a head with gusto, obeying our ego nature’s command to prepare for winter’s imminent scarcity (as if doing so would really make any difference at all in the long run). Struggling with the emotions my Teacher’s unexpected arrival had exacerbated. After all, I’d been asking to see people and things in my life and the world–their rocking of my world–well, differently. You know, kindly; as he claimed to–as he constantly urges us to in that big, blue book of his–for days, weeks, months. While my pleas for assistance merely echoed back at me, apparently from that gaping abyss of my unconscious allegiance to the belief in separation that yielded the persistent belief in me.
“Where have you been?” I asked.
“We’ve talked about this,” he said.
“Well, we need to talk again,” I replied. “I mean, I know you claim you are always with us from the first moment we recognize however dimly that there has to be a better way of living and relating in this world.”
“I hear a ‘but’ coming,” he said.
He heard correctly. I thought of the fellow student I’d heard just yesterday gratefully describing the way in which she seemed to be finally experiencing a real relationship with him as she caught herself feeling unfairly treated or judging another dream figure harshly, asked instead to look with him, and experienced the sudden, welcome dissolution of her reactions and return to a peace not of this world, just as I once had. While these days, although I thought I earnestly enough asked, my reactions remained more robust and troubling than ever, guilt seemingly fortified, the peace of our Teacher’s all-inclusive, innocent vision painfully elusive. Not enough potato chips in the hologram to restore a sense of safety from predictable and unpredictable “elements.”
“But,” I said. “You used to show up a lot more—almost on command. Remember all those times with my husband when I had you on speed dial? How you helped me understand we were really on the same side? And all those years with my daughter–going through middle school for Christ sake, high school? That guy with the Mohawk she was dating; that incident junior year with the prom I will not go into? Visiting colleges, the little nervous breakdown I had when both my husband’s and my parents stayed with us during her graduation? Taking her to college, all the things that have happened to both sets of parents since, I mean …,” my voice caught. I could go on and on and on. “Her move to Seattle?” I added, softly, instead.
He nodded, smiling.
My lower lip quivered.
“I’m sorry you’re having a bad day,” he said.
The squirrel ecstatically binged away, eyes blissfully glazed, lack temporarily almost filled; while the cavern in my own aching heart expanded by the minute.
I sighed the sigh for which I am still justly famous in certain circles. “We need to talk again,” I repeated, and proceeded to fill him in on dream sequences at the micro level that had transpired in his absence. The continued writer’s block that had me obsessively questioning my very identity and self-worth in the dream—I mean, what the hell am I supposed to do “here” anyway? The “beginners” painting class I was taking in a pathetic effort to free my right brain completely undermined by the inexplicable, intimidating presence of incredibly talented professional painters masquerading as fellow newbie students. My wrong-minded response to my own aging process that seemed to have suddenly, threateningly accelerated, the sudden ambush of sharp longing for my daughter who, let’s face it, was never coming back. And then, most recently, the excruciating visit to my elderly parents that after 24 hours left me feeling like I had learned nothing whatsoever from A Course in Miracles after all this work, all these rollicking years learning to change the goal of my life from prison of specialness to classroom of true forgiveness, except that there were no grownups here in the dream. Not a one—myself included!
“It just seems so much harder now,” I said, voice on the verge of a whine I suspected I was likewise sadly famous for in certain circles.
“Why do you assume you’re failing?” he asked, reading my mind the way he can.
What made me think I, Susan, had any real thoughts at all, he meant. We’d talked about that, too. Ad nauseum, actually. “Well, if you had come when I called you,” I said, nonetheless.
“How do you know I didn’t?” he asked, smiling, and was gone.
Seriously? I thought, annoyed once more as I bid the engorged squirrel adieu, pulled out of the parking lot alone again, and drove home, sighing my signature sigh. Contemplating my Teacher’s parting implication that I might be wrong about the meaning of my discouraging experience of this journey back to the uninterrupted union we never truly left. A point I constantly made with students in my own Tuesday night A Course in Miracles class and seemed to have somehow forgotten.
Upon arrival inside I headed toward my office and opened that big, blue book as if driven by the lingering reason of his presence to do so to Text Chapter 18, III. “Light in the Dream.” And read with a comforting shiver the very section we coincidentally would explore together in my class that very evening:
“As the light comes nearer you will rush to darkness, shrinking from the truth, sometimes retreating to the lesser forms of fear, and sometimes to stark terror. But you will advance, because your goal is the advance from fear to truth. The goal you accepted is the goal of knowledge, for which you signified your willingness. Fear seems to live in darkness, and when you are afraid you have stepped back. Let us then join quickly in an instant of light, and it will be enough to remind you that your goal is light.
Truth has rushed to meet you since you called upon it. If you knew Who walks beside you on the way that you have chosen, fear would be impossible. You do not know because the journey into darkness has been long and cruel, and you have gone deep into it. A little flicker of your eyelids, closed so long, has not yet been sufficient to give you confidence in yourself, so long despised. You go toward love still hating it, and terribly afraid of its judgment upon you. And you do not realize that you are not afraid of love, but only of what you have made of it. You are advancing to love’s meaning, and away from all illusions in which you have surrounded it. When you retreat to the illusion your fear increases, for there is little doubt that what you think it means is fearful. Yet what is that to us who travel surely and very swiftly away from fear?
You who hold your brother’s hand also hold mine, for when you joined each other you were not alone. Do you believe that I would leave you in the darkness that you agreed to leave with me? In your relationship is this world’s light. And fear must disappear before you now. Be tempted not to snatch away the gift of faith you offered to your brother. You will succeed only in frightening yourself. The gift is given forever, for God Himself received it. You cannot take it back. You have accepted God. The holiness of your relationship is established in Heaven. You do not understand what you accepted, but remember that your understanding is not necessary. All that was necessary was merely the wish to understand. That wish was the desire to be holy. The Will of God is granted you. For you desire the only thing you ever had, or ever were.
Each instant that we spend together will teach you that this goal is possible, and will strengthen your desire to reach it. And in your desire lies its accomplishment. Your desire is now in complete accord with all the power of the Holy Spirit’s Will. No little, faltering footsteps that you may take can separate your desire from His Will and from His strength. I hold your hand as surely as you agreed to take your brother’s. You will not separate, for I stand with you and walk with you in your advance to truth. And where we go we carry God with us.” (Paragraphs 2-5)
Foundation for A Course in Miracles Announcements
Programs through December 2017
Please view our latest Temecula Schedule page http://www.facim.org/temecula-schedule.aspx to see the Seminars and Academy classes, including Live Streaming of the classes, currently scheduled through December 2017.
(You can register for upcoming live and streamed classes taught by the amazingly gifted Foundation for A Course in Miracles teaching staff; who continue to communicate Ken’s work with such clarity and grace, here: https://www.facim.org/temecula-schedule.aspx. I really can’t recommend these classes more highly! Rosemarie LoSasso and Jeff Seibert continue to gently encourage us to bring the darkness of all we’ve dreamt up to hurt us (whenever we’re choosing to feel victimized and justified in victimizing others) to the light of the part of every mind that knows only our shared innocence and need to find our way home. Their classes offer us a safe, non-judgmental “space” above the battleground in which to allow the healing of our frightened minds. (And often laugh a lot, too! 🙂 Check out my recent interviews with facim teachers Rosemarie LoSasso https://www.foraysinforgiveness.com/talking-with-rosemarie-losasso-spring-2017/ and Jeff Seibert https://www.foraysinforgiveness.com/talking-with-jeffrey-seibert-summer-2017/.)
New Audio Release
The Foundation is happy to announce the publication of a previously unreleased audio title by Dr. Kenneth Wapnick. This four CD set recorded in 2006 is entitled The Logic of A Course in Miracles: The Ego and The Holy Spirit, and is also available as an MP3 Download.
MP3-CDs To Be Discontinued
The Foundation is discontinuing production of audio titles in MP3 CD format. The eleventh grouping of MP3 CD titles, which is available through October 1, 2017 only, can be viewed here. These titles are also available at a 40% discount. Please note that all orders containing MP3-CDS will be shipped the first week of October.
Super Inventory Sale Continue ONLY through December 31, 2017
We are continuing to clear out the warehouse of all printed books. Make sure you have all the titles you want before the sale ends.
You may view all of the English and Spanish books currently on sale here. Please note that some orders may take up to two weeks to ship after the order is received.
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The Interviews page on my forays website been revised to make it easier to find and access interviews with Ken Wapnick and others including Gloria Wapnick, and FACIM staff teachers. These interviews provide a wealth of practical information about learning to live a truly forgiving life, as well as some history of the Foundation for A Course in Miracles.
In this NEW VIDEO, Bruce Rawles and I discuss A Course in Miracles workbook lesson 194: “I place the future in the hands of God.” https://www.foraysinforgiveness.com/videos/
In this RECENT VIDEO, my friend and fellow Course student Danielle Scruton and I discuss how to weather the ego’s “backlash.” https://youtu.be/7cIV4kSUajU.
In this RECENT VIDEO, my friend and fellow Course student Danielle Scruton and I discuss changing the purpose of romantic partnerships/marriage from specialness bargains to classrooms for learning to accept the atonement for ourselves https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3n8pn760h0U&feature=em-upload_owner.
In this RECENT VIDEO Danielle Scruton and I discuss how recognizing our neediness in our relationships can help us learn to become needless and discover our only real purpose and need. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5BJ0YqqQKs&feature=youtu.be
In this RECENT VIDEO, friend and fellow Course student and teacher Bruce Rawles and I discuss what it means to “accept the atonement for myself,” as talked about in A Course in Miracles Chapter 2 and workbook lesson 139. https://www.foraysinforgiveness.com/videos/
In this RECENT VIDEO, Bruce Rawles and I talk about the challenges of trying to practice A Course in Miracles workbook lesson 330: “I will not hurt myself again today.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4RJosel0zA&feature=youtu.be
In this NEW AUDIO CA Brooks, 12Radio, and I talk about how to connect with our inner Teacher/right mind (which can seem quite elusive at times!): http://www.12radio.com/archive.cfm?archive=7271A032-26B9-4187-863739C3EB9013D0
In this RECENT AUDIO CA Brooks, 12Radio, and I discuss A Course in Miracles workbook lesson 41: “God goes with me wherever I go,” and why this is a good thing! 🙂 http://www.12radio.com/archive.cfm?archive=D6390D92-26B9-4187-865888BFB8D98D75
In this RECENT AUDIO, CA Brooks, 12Radio, and I talk about A Course in Miracles workbook lesson 186: “Salvation of the world depends on me.” (And thank God it’s not the “me” we think it is! :)) http://www.12radio.com/archive.cfm?archive=DE52D9FE-26B9-4187-860F309BBB8F9B42
RECENT AUDIO, CA Brooks, 12Radio, and I discuss A Course in Miracles workbook lesson 190: “I choose the joy of God instead of pain.” http://www.12radio.com/archive.cfm?archive=9F396171-26B9-4187-8664560FBC62D238
In this RECENT AUDIO recording of a show I did with CA Brooks, 12Radio, we review the practice of forgiveness through A Course in Miracles workbook lessons 5 and 34 http://www.12radio.com/archive.cfm?archive=0C205831-26B9-4187-86FD0B745FCD31FE.
MY LATEST BOOK, FORGIVENESS: THE KEY TO HAPPINESS, http://www.amazon.com/Forgiveness-Happiness-Susan-A-Dugan/dp/0983742022, along with my second book in the forgiveness essay collection series, FORGIVENESS OFFERS EVERYTHING I WANT: http://www.amazon.com/Forgiveness-Offers-Everything-I-Want/dp/0983742014/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_2?ie=UTF8&refRID=07RKZW8SHE2RNC209A2D are currently DISCOUNTED on Amazon.
Schedule individual MENTORING sessions with Susan Dugan here: https://www.foraysinforgiveness.com/personal-coaching Although A Course in Miracles is clearly a self-study program and the one relationship we are truly cultivating is with our eternally sane and loving right mind, mentoring can help remind Course students having trouble applying its unique forgiveness in the classroom of their lives that the problem and the solution never lie in the difficult relationship, situation, behavior, health issue, etc., but in the decision-making mind. In every circumstance, without exception, we can choose to experience inner peace and kindness toward all, unaffected by the seemingly random strife of a world designed to prove otherwise. By choosing to look at our lives as a classroom in which we bring all our painful illusions to the inner teacher of forgiveness who knows only our shared innocence beyond all its deceptive disguises, we learn to identify and transcend the ego’s resistance, hold others and even ourselves harmless, and gently allow our split mind to heal.
Susan’s mentoring sessions provide valuable support in our forgiveness practice from a Course student and teacher deeply committed to awakening through learning and living true forgiveness. While keenly aware of our resistance to Jesus’ loving message from first-hand experience, she remains faithful to opening her heart to the Course’s universal answer for all frightened hearts and to sharing her ongoing learning and growing trust with kindred faithful, but sometimes frightened and confused, fellow students.
Sessions are conducted via traditional phone or Skype (your choice). Please contact me to find out if mentoring is right for you before submitting a payment. (No one is ever turned away for lack of ability to pay!)
OTHER RECENT AUDIOS:
Here’s a recording I did with CA Brooks, 12Radio, in which we talk about the importance of catching our unkind thoughts and judgments and looking at them with the part of our mind that sees no differences and makes no comparisons … even while watching the news! http://www.12radio.com/archive.cfm?archive=584A85D9-26B9-4187-86B672216F9D08E7 …
A recording on Changing the Purpose of the Body from Prison to Classroom: http://www.12radio.com/archive.cfm?archive=C936F436-26B9-4187-862BC523BC16D778, and another on what it means to go “above the battleground” (ACIM Text 23, Section IV) http://www.12radio.com/archive.cfm?archive=13D9C907-26B9-4187-86F1370A394E8755
And a recording in which we talk about ACIM workbook lesson 101: “God’s will for me is perfect happiness” and 102: “I share God’s will for happiness for me.” http://www.12radio.com/archive.cfm?archive=16BFF184-26B9-4187-86DD07743FBB7355 You’d think we’d like to hear that God’s will for us is perfect happiness, but we can’t possibly believe that and also believe we attacked God and threw his love away. Following our inner Teacher’s path of true forgiveness begins to dissolve the guilt in our mind, teaching us that it was just silly to believe we could oppose God’s will and create a separate one. Allowing us to gradually accept that we deserve the happiness we share within God’s presence and could never really destroy.
OTHER RECENT VIDEOS:
Here’s a video I did with Bruce Rawles on sharing perception with the Holy Spirit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S45pmt7ntQ4
Here’s a talk I did with Bruce Rawles on Section 16 of The Manual for Teachers: “How Should the Teacher of God Spend His Day.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgHjOcxzrwg&feature=youtu.be …
In this VIDEO, Bruce Rawles and I discuss A Course in Miracles lesson 190: “I choose the joy of God instead of pain.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPqUpNmAmG0
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The Denver-based School for A Course in Miracles (formerly the School of Reason), an A Course-in-Miracles http://www.schoolforacourseinmiracles.org/ offers great new and ongoing classes based on Ken Wapnick’s teachings.
In the San Francisco Bay Area, the Center for A Course in Miracles http://www.centerforacourseinmiracles.org/index.html, is an educational Center whose focus is to teach what A Course in Miracles says, address common misunderstandings, and help students develop a relationship with their internal Teacher, inspired and guided by the teachings of the late Dr. Kenneth Wapnick.
In this video Bruce Rawles and I discuss themes from my most recent book, Forgiveness: The Key to Happiness: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vEbI3jH8Sk
My good friend and fellow Course student, teacher, and author Bruce Rawles frequently invites me to chat with him on YouTube about the Course and Ken Wapnick’s teachings. He continues to compile lots of great ACIM information well worth checking out at ACIMblog.com.
My good friend and gifted A Course in Miracles teacher and writer Bernard Groom has been posting beautifully written, heartfelt essays about living A Course in Miracles for years at ACIMvillage.com. Bernard lives and teaches in France with his dear wife Patricia. You’ll find a wealth of information in French on his website including recorded talks available for purchase or free download.